Paying Dues

There's a saying, "Nothing worth having is free". I don't know who originally said it, but I do know that there's so much truth to those 5 little words. There is another saying, that "Everything comes with a price" that I'm also finding particarly true right now.

Sometimes, when we are given something we have asked for, we are asked to give something in return.  Sometimes, at least in my experience, we're asked for something that seems like a sacrifice, but most often, I'm left feeling like I need to prove my gratitude and worthiness of the gift.

Before the move, our situation was so stressful, so...bad, that I found myself engaged in regular prayer and communion with Diety, asking them to help us find the right place, the right environment, for our struggling family. Asking Them for Divine guidance. I listened very intently for a response in every way I possibly could and a stroke of rare good luck landed us where we are today.

Our family exists below the poverty level. Not low enough that we can qualify for any type of assistance, but low enough that most weeks, we struggle to make what little we have stretch until the next check. I often find myself shuffling bills to make ends meet and even then, it often isn't enough.

Since we moved, the Lord and Lady seemed to be asking for us to prove our worth yet again. It's been a balancing act, and some weeks have been downright scary. Our State Income Tax check should have come weeks ago, but we are still waiting. It's money that we've desperately needed, but They seem to feel that we needed to do things without it.

So far, we have. Draco's hours, which often become non-existent in the winter months, are beginning to pick up again. I've shuffled, and re-shuffled, our bills and budget until I've almost gotten our financial situation in hand. That's not to say we have a lot left over, but the bills are getting paid and we're eating. Sometimes, that in itself is a victory.

I feel like this has been an intended time of struggle in return for the help we were given. As hard as it's been, I feel it's necessary to our growth in some way.

I'd love to say that I've meet this challenge with nothing but grace, but I'm human, and although I could lie on here and no one would know it was a lie, that's just not me.

The weeks we've done without have been stressful, I've cried in frustration and shook my fist at life at times. I've searched the night sky, fighting the urge to ask Them why it has to be so hard. Many times, knowing I was paying my dues was the furthest thing from my mind. I'm not proud of the moments that I moved through this experience with less grace than I should have, but again, I'm only human, and sometimes life overwhelms me.

I do feel that thankfulness is something I don't always practice as often as I should, so I'd like to take a moment to express my gratitude.

Even though he can often be one of the most frustrating and infuriating people I have ever known, I am thankful for my soul-mate, friend, and husband, Draco. Without him, life would be dull, colors less vibrant and my sanity would surely have fled by now without his grounding Taurus energy and the fiery passion of my dragon's embrace.

Although they have caused me more pain than I ever believed possible, I'm thankful for my dysfunctional family and the lessons my relationships with them have taught me, especially the lesson of standing alone, on my own two feet. They are the reason for my bond with the Wolf spirit of my Native American heritage.

I am thankful for Witchlet, who often makes me question my abilities to parent such a stubborn and strong-willed child. She has taught me the practice of patience, even when I thought I had none left and through my struggles in parenting, I learned to walk more closely with the Goddess as I often found myself begging Her for the strength to survive being a mother.

I am thankful for the people who have come and gone in my life. Each taught me a lesson about myself, life or human nature. Those lessons were sometimes hard to learn and often left me with pain, but they were valuable.

I am thankful for my home and the creature comforts I am blessed with. As frustrating as it often is to do without things at times, I am aware that there are many people who have much less than we do that would do anything to have what little we have.

I am thankful for the small handful of women I am blessed enough to call friends. They are scattered all over the place, but each of them hold a special place in my heart and have taught me the value of acceptance without judgment and unconditional love. Without them, without the sister-hood I experience with them, I would truly be lost.

As strange as it sounds, I am thankful for my ex-husband. He gave me one of greatest gifts, and challenges, of my life -- Witchlet.

Through his abuse, I found an inner strength that I may have never known I was capable of. I learned that love does not always mean forever and that loving someone does not mean valuing them above myself. I learned that sometimes you have to know when to walk away from things that no longer serve you.

Last, but certainly not least, I am thankful for my spirituality and for the presence of the God and Goddess in my life. Through Them, I learned to love myself, how to experience gratitude and how to reconnect with my own spirit. I also learned that life is neither black nor white, but shades of grey. I learned that I could love the light parts of myself only by embracing the dark parts.

I learned that one of the most important things in life is being honest with myself about myself, even when it doesn't make me look good.

I learned that the things you don't appreciate can be taken away as quickly as they were given and that anything worth having, is worth fighting for.

I also learned that in spite of my nurturing heart, that I can't fix other people. I can only fix myself.

I'm sure as soon as I click "post", I'll think of other things I should have included, but I feel I have covered the most important things this morning.

I truly believe that we should all take the time to practice gratitude in our lives. What are some of the things you're grateful for? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Blessings,

Rayven

Deciding What's Important

Ever so often, I think it's healthy to enter a stage of introspection and self-evaluation. This process allows us to look at ourselves more clearly, to assess our lives and decide what works and what doesn't.

During my recent blog and social media silence (mostly silent, anyway), I have been going through just such a period.

Life has improved greatly, in so many ways, since our move a month ago, but as the external stress evaporated, I found myself, at first, grasping at old habits and routines. Tried and true methods of living that have served me well -- or so I had thought -- for years.

One of the things I returned to was the FlyLady system.

I have fluttered and flown, using her wonderful system of babysteps and the mantra "You can do anything for 15 minutes" for more years than I can count. Her system helped me get control of household clutter and develop habits that continue to serve me well even now.

I have come to realize though, that although certain parts of her system contine to serve me, that other parts of the system do not.

The key to the system is to set a timer for 15 minutes and accomplish tasks as quickly as possible. For people that detest doing household chores, there is an immense logic in this approach. For me, however, I realized that I have been training myself to rush through tasks that, for me, need to be a more leisure activity.

Part of the reason I began to focus on household witchcraft is because I enjoy the process of caring for my home and family. It brings me satisfaction to have people compliment me on my home, in any fashion, be it a compliment on the cleanliness, the decor, or the overall vibe.

Granted, when I began the FlyLady system, I didn't enjoy housework. Raising Witchlet, who has learning disabities as well as emotional challenges, and helping a close friend raise her 3 special-needs children, I was often over-whelmed by my home. The house was out of control and the thought of bringing it to heel seemed huge. FlyLady helped me get a handle on things and also helped me to find the joy in my role as Domestic Diva, and that led me to seek out Domestic Pagan practices.

I suppose you could say that the FlyLady helped me find my spiritual path.

Even so, now that my house is under control, I find myself reluctant to rush through my daily chores.

As I began the "Weekly Home Blessing" hour earlier this week (another FlyLady trademark), I found myself feeling skittish and nervous. After giving the source of these feelings some thought I realized that to me, a "Home Blessing" should have a very different feeling to it.

I love the concept of the FlyLady way, but I don't want to rush through it. Rushing means that I'm setting aside the "blessing" part and it becomes just a flowery term for cleaning.

As a Domestic Pagan, the very act of caring for my home is spiritual. If I'm rushing, I'm not actually "blessing" anything.

So, in my true eclectic fashion, that is one area of my life where I'm taking the parts that work for me and leaving the rest.

That's one of the beautiful ideals of Paganism, in my opinion. The concept that it's perfectly ok to run out and learn all types of things, from every aspect of life, and keep what works for you without feeling stuck in rigid rules, concepts or ideals that don't serve the person you want to be.

Even at 38, I'm still learning and growing. Still adjusting and adapting the person I want to be, and I'm ok with that.

Of course, this isn't the only change I've been embracing, but it is one of the most relevant to this blog.

Have you experienced or learned something and then decided that it (or parts of it) no longer serve who you want to be?

Blessings,

Rayven

Do Witches Pray?

This morning, I was researching the goddess Brighid, partly because Imbolc is right around the corner and partly because since I embraced the fact that I am a Hearth Witch, I've felt a certain connection to her (she is considered a hearth goddess, among other things).

While reading, I found myself at About.com. (I seem to end up there a good bit when I'm researching something Pagan.) And while looking for Prayers to Brighid, I happened to find this article on Pagan Prayer.

While reading, I recalled a conversation I had with my dad shortly after Mom passed. He was making generalizations about what he thought my religion was and I was giving him information on what it is I actually do and believe.

Both my parents were raised Christian, so it's no surprise that prayer, a very important part of the Christian faith, came up. I was dismayed to learn that my parents thought I didn't pray.

I explained to him that I couldn't speak for every Pagan, or every faith that falls under the pagan label, but that I most certainly do pray. Daily.

The article above addresses the difference between payer and spellwork, stating that when we pray, we're asking for the help of whatever we call divinity (divine intervention), when we do spellwork, we're not asking for help so much as we are attempting to manipulate the energies of the universe to bring us what we want.

Personally, I believe spellwork and prayer often work together, but maybe that's more about technique and intention.

Using Brigid as an example, if I were to feel that my family and/or home needed protection, Brighid would probably be my go-to goddess. Now, I would probably stand at my altar, burn some incense and a candle and ask Brighid to watch over my family, to offer us her protection. To me, this is a type of prayer, and a method I find myself using often.

Depending on the situation, though, I might find myself feeling the need for something a little more powerful than prayer alone. That is when I would sit down with my lists of correspondences, gather materials, and do a more formal protection ritual. I would still call on Brighid in my ritual and ask her to aid me in protecting my family. I believe that invoking deities in ritual is also a type of prayer.

Not all spellwork calls on deities, and I feel that there's no set guideline for petitioning a deity vs not, in spellwork. It's a personal choice. But, I feel that if you do call on them, even in ritual, that there is an element of prayer involved.

As usual, this is just from my perspective. I'm sure there are people out there that believe differently than I do, and I'm not saying ALL Pagans pray. I'm sure there are some that don't, but as for this witch, I do pray as part of my daily practice.

So what about you? Do you pray?

Namaste,

Rayven Moon