I have sensed a change coming for a while now, but I was unsure what direction this change would take me in. This blog was part of me feeling that impending change.
I felt compelled by forces outside myself to begin anew rather suddenly. I listened based on my faith alone.
I thought for years that I was happy with my muddled path.
I began this journey at the tender age of 19 after a nervous breakdown and the loss of everything I held dear left me incapacitated and questioning everything, including God and my Christian upbringing. It was not the first time I had questioned the religion I was raised in, but it was the most significant.
A friend, who had always known I was different, just as she was, came to check on me and when she left, she left a copy of Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham. It was the first time I'd heard of paganism or Wicca.
Back then, not everyone had a computer and internet access and the "New Age" section of bookstores in the Bible Belt were not well-stocked. Wicca was just becoming recognized as a true religion, so information was still very limited.
Some 5 or 6 years later, I realized that the New Age section had grown and I began to devour everything I could find.
I became what I considered "Eclectic" as I began to learn more and more about differing paths. My heritage (Cherokee and Celtic) continued to call to me, but in those days, there was precious little knowledge on either topic available here.
As I found anything on the Celtic path, I tore through it, but never felt like I could get enough information to begin a new path or even find a direction to go in.
I did, for a number of years, Co-run a cluster of MSN groups and one of our group managers happened to be Celtic. I spent a lot of time at her group soaking up whatever knowledge she offered.
She now has a lovely group of her own, with another lady we met through the MSN groups,on another server that I still peek in on from time to time.
About 5 years ago, I experienced another breakdown due to a personal crisis between Draco and myself and I shut down. All thoughts of my spirituality relegated to the "when I get through this" file.
Then, a few months ago, we moved away from all that and a dear friend and sister of the heart, came to me for guidance and advice and the conversation began to touch on my spiritual beliefs. Totems and power animals specifically. I felt compelled to research some things and found myself once again submerged in pagan information.
I decided to reopen my previous blog, with the intention of making it "pagan" but I had been connected heavily to the Mom Bloggers, most of which were Christian, and I felt reserved when I tried to speak of my beliefs. Many of them were good ladies and I had no desire to offend or push my faith on anyone, so the blog stalled once again.
I suppose I'm a blogger at heart because I just didn't feel "whole" if I didn't have somewhere to share.
I began reading again and went to the library. They carried one book on the Celtic path and I checked it out despite it's childish title.
Right after I checked it out, I got the "start over" message. I set up the blog as I began reading.
Yesterday, I realized that I had been seeing a lot of things about Druids lately. An online school in particular, only mentioned by three letters. ADF. I kept running across blogs where people called themselves ADF Dedicates.
A search led me to a site with a title in Irish that I couldn't begin to pronounce. I hesitated because I'd recently read of Druid groups that only allowed people in that could prove a heritage link to the Celts in some way.
I know my heritage, but couldn't begin to know how to "prove it". I can't speak any of the languages, I've never been there, I know precious little of the culture.
I know I'm descended from the Welsh on my biological father's side, but I'm not even sure who or when the first immigration in my family happened. (Would you like to chat with my family? I'm sure they can tell you I'm both Cherokee and Welsh, which is one of the cultures associated with Celtic heritage...)
I read on out of curiosity, thinking since I'm solitary anyway, maybe I could piece together enough information to do as I've always done and make my own path.
As I read, I realized that although proof of heritage might be required by some, it's not required by all, and not by ADF. They have a $25 per year membership fee for the school, though, and although I believe it's completely reasonable, I won't have it to spare until after we move.
I kept looking, but it's bookmarked for taxes and for Draco, who is also Celtic, to check out.
I ended up at a site called Druid's Circle, which offers a free limited membership and some basic classes. I figured I can check them out while I wait and if I'm not happy, when we move and I get reliable internet, I'll pay the $25 to join ADF.
My heart is finally finding some peace spiritually as I begin this path. I'm certain, with every fiber of my being, that this is going to change me. I don't know how or how much, but I can feel the vibrations of change tingling around me.
Bear with me as I learn, as I said, my knowledge of my heritage on this side is even more limited than that of my Native American heritage. It's going to be a process.
Wish me luck!
Have you ever changed direction so completely that you knew it was going to change everything?
Namaste,
Rayven
