Rebranding?

So, I've been giving the blog a lot of thought lately and the more I work with it, the less satisfied I become.

RMC was, admittedly, a quick fix. At the time, I was leaving a blog behind that no longer seemed to fit me (combined with stalker issues and a very nosey and judgemental landlord) but I desperately wanted to blog.

While all of this was happening, ravens were making a huge impact on my life, moons are always a big part of my life, and I wanted my own little "corner" of the blogosphere. From those elements, RMC was born.

I've told myself, even though I considered myself a "life" blogger, to keep my "real" life seperate from my "online" life, but as time passed, I found that the things that mattered to me enough to blog about, were very personal, and very much a part of my life. As I've come to embrace my personal identity as a domestic witch, my online identity began to change with it and now, my real life identity and online identies are beginning to merge.

Yesterday's post title "News From The Dragon's Lair" was actually a bit of a typo. It should have said "News From Rayven Moon's Corner", but in addition to being a blogger, I'm also a journal keeper (for those things I've considered too private for the blog), and in my journal, I refer to our home as "The Dragon's Lair". It was one of those absent-minded errors that I didn't even catch until later in the day.

I call our home The Dragon's Lair for a few reasons. First, there's Draco, my mate. His totem is the dragon and he very much embodies the spirit of a dragon. He has a inner fire when he's passionate about something that translates into his artwork (he's an artist), he also has a firey temper that can leave a person reduced to embers when he's angry (which thankfully, isn't often).

Second, our "house spirit" is a dragon and his spirit is the one we call on when we ward our home. I feel this is a good fit, since dragon's are well-known for protecting their home and what they treasure.

And third, the home of a dragon is called a lair, and like dragons, our home is where we "horde" the things we value.

Naturally, being surrounded by so much dragon energy, it's rubbed off. Being the matriarch of our home, and the mate of a dragon, it's also been necessary for me to develop a relationship with these energies myself. Our home is covered in dragons, with plans to incorporate them even further into our home.

My "mistake" did, however, get me thinking. Obviously, it was second nature to type that out, so much so that I didn't catch my mistake until hours later.

When I finally did catch it, I considered changing the title and republishing it, but who does that? Who republishes a whole post because of the title alone? Not me, I'm too lazy for that.

Besides that, I haven't really begun my campaign to get the blog off the ground, so my traffic is pretty much flat-lined at this point anyway.

I doubt that this move and rebranding will really effect anyone other than me at this point, but just in case, I thought I'd offer up this post on the off chance that I have a lurker or two I'm not aware of.

The new blog will be under the name The Dragon's Lair, or something similar (won't know for sure until I try to make it). I will keep the same twitter account and just change the name. I will make a new fb page though because I can't change the original url and that's already been bugging me. I will still write under a "pen", but it will probably be different.

The new blog will be about everything. Me, my family, Witchlet and Draco, domestic paganism, my business...everything. "A Domestic Witch blogging about Home & Hearth". I even intend to finally open up about loosing my family when my mom passed last year, being a victim of abuse and domestic violence, drug addiction and mental illness. All things that have, and continue to shape, who I am. I'm planning "no holds barred" blogging and the very concept leaves me breathless. All of this in addition to blogging about being a domestic pagan in general and the things I'd already planned around that topic.

While RMC has been a comforting place to rest my weary head, it has served its purpose, and I know it's time to move on to bigger and better things. I hope to see you there!

Blessings,
Rayven

News From the Dragon's Lair 3-24-13

This week was Ostara and we did...nothing, really.

I mean, I had already decorated the altar at the beginning of March, and Spring Cleaning was mostly done last weekend,  but the date snuck up on me and I'd already bought groceries and such, so there was no Ostara dinner as I'd hoped. Draco was tired Wednesday night, so we didn't do the house blessing and smudging I'd planned either.

In addition to all that, my recent decision to fully embrace Domestic Paganism and to create a path based on it got put on hold while some mundane and marital problems were sorted out, so I wasn't exactly prepared. I know I'm on the right path though because I'm becoming increasingly drawn to Hestia, a home and hearth goddess and She seems to be everywhere I look these days. This is going in a very similar fashion as when Hecate presented Her offers to assist me with my Shadow Work (which is still an ongoing process, by the way).

A lot has been going on around the Dragon's Lair, and for a change, a lot of it seems positive.

Draco's hours are gradually improving. I can always gage the actual beginninng and end of the warm and cold seasons here by Draco's checks. He works constuction laying water lines for utility companies. His job is completely done outdoors (which to an old Druid like him is a gift and blessing), so the weather often has a hand in his checks.

Our sinuses have been really giving us fits. I have chronic rhionitis, which is year-round allergies, but when the pollen count is up, it can be almost bad enough to cause health concerns. My "cough-due-to-congestion" is ferocious. Seems like my chest is congested 24/7 and the coughing, though only occasionally severe, is not always productive. I'm worried that I should be taking or doing something for it (other than steamy baths to help break it up) but in addition to being in a financial transition, we're also in a medicinal one.

I'm in the process of switching us over from OTC medications to herbal and homemade remedies but I haven't had a chance to lay in a stock of supplies yet. I'm even out of my herbal medication for my anxeity, and I've been treating anxiety herbally for several years already. A little flurry of bills caused me to put it on hold, but I think I'm going to have to take the plung soon and start looking for something to treat my allergies (and possibly congestion as well now), in addition to some kind of pain reliever for Draco's back pain and my headaches.

I've found a couple of new blogs I think I like (one of which has given me some new perspective as well as enthusiasm) and PBP (I think that's the one) is under new management and I'm really starting to like it.

I did some brain-storming for the blog recently and liked the direction I seem headed in there, now if I can just get internet at home so I can begin building my blog, we'll be in business.

Draco and I spent most of the week arguing and finally got to the root of things yesterday. I think we really hit on some good points and I feel like I'm moving in the right direction personally as well.

Even though things aren't perfect at the Dragon's Lair, I feel like we are finally gaining forward momentum in so many ways.

I still worry about Witchlet, but things seem to be getting a little better, so I'm hoping things will work out for her.

It's been a chilly and rainy weekend here in the Deep South. I think Old Man Winter left a window open when he made his exit last week. Between bouts of rain though, the birds are celebrating and things really are beginning to look more green outside, so I know Spring really is here, even if it doesn't feel like it.

What's going on in your neck of the woods?

Blessings,

Rayven

Paying Dues

There's a saying, "Nothing worth having is free". I don't know who originally said it, but I do know that there's so much truth to those 5 little words. There is another saying, that "Everything comes with a price" that I'm also finding particarly true right now.

Sometimes, when we are given something we have asked for, we are asked to give something in return.  Sometimes, at least in my experience, we're asked for something that seems like a sacrifice, but most often, I'm left feeling like I need to prove my gratitude and worthiness of the gift.

Before the move, our situation was so stressful, so...bad, that I found myself engaged in regular prayer and communion with Diety, asking them to help us find the right place, the right environment, for our struggling family. Asking Them for Divine guidance. I listened very intently for a response in every way I possibly could and a stroke of rare good luck landed us where we are today.

Our family exists below the poverty level. Not low enough that we can qualify for any type of assistance, but low enough that most weeks, we struggle to make what little we have stretch until the next check. I often find myself shuffling bills to make ends meet and even then, it often isn't enough.

Since we moved, the Lord and Lady seemed to be asking for us to prove our worth yet again. It's been a balancing act, and some weeks have been downright scary. Our State Income Tax check should have come weeks ago, but we are still waiting. It's money that we've desperately needed, but They seem to feel that we needed to do things without it.

So far, we have. Draco's hours, which often become non-existent in the winter months, are beginning to pick up again. I've shuffled, and re-shuffled, our bills and budget until I've almost gotten our financial situation in hand. That's not to say we have a lot left over, but the bills are getting paid and we're eating. Sometimes, that in itself is a victory.

I feel like this has been an intended time of struggle in return for the help we were given. As hard as it's been, I feel it's necessary to our growth in some way.

I'd love to say that I've meet this challenge with nothing but grace, but I'm human, and although I could lie on here and no one would know it was a lie, that's just not me.

The weeks we've done without have been stressful, I've cried in frustration and shook my fist at life at times. I've searched the night sky, fighting the urge to ask Them why it has to be so hard. Many times, knowing I was paying my dues was the furthest thing from my mind. I'm not proud of the moments that I moved through this experience with less grace than I should have, but again, I'm only human, and sometimes life overwhelms me.

I do feel that thankfulness is something I don't always practice as often as I should, so I'd like to take a moment to express my gratitude.

Even though he can often be one of the most frustrating and infuriating people I have ever known, I am thankful for my soul-mate, friend, and husband, Draco. Without him, life would be dull, colors less vibrant and my sanity would surely have fled by now without his grounding Taurus energy and the fiery passion of my dragon's embrace.

Although they have caused me more pain than I ever believed possible, I'm thankful for my dysfunctional family and the lessons my relationships with them have taught me, especially the lesson of standing alone, on my own two feet. They are the reason for my bond with the Wolf spirit of my Native American heritage.

I am thankful for Witchlet, who often makes me question my abilities to parent such a stubborn and strong-willed child. She has taught me the practice of patience, even when I thought I had none left and through my struggles in parenting, I learned to walk more closely with the Goddess as I often found myself begging Her for the strength to survive being a mother.

I am thankful for the people who have come and gone in my life. Each taught me a lesson about myself, life or human nature. Those lessons were sometimes hard to learn and often left me with pain, but they were valuable.

I am thankful for my home and the creature comforts I am blessed with. As frustrating as it often is to do without things at times, I am aware that there are many people who have much less than we do that would do anything to have what little we have.

I am thankful for the small handful of women I am blessed enough to call friends. They are scattered all over the place, but each of them hold a special place in my heart and have taught me the value of acceptance without judgment and unconditional love. Without them, without the sister-hood I experience with them, I would truly be lost.

As strange as it sounds, I am thankful for my ex-husband. He gave me one of greatest gifts, and challenges, of my life -- Witchlet.

Through his abuse, I found an inner strength that I may have never known I was capable of. I learned that love does not always mean forever and that loving someone does not mean valuing them above myself. I learned that sometimes you have to know when to walk away from things that no longer serve you.

Last, but certainly not least, I am thankful for my spirituality and for the presence of the God and Goddess in my life. Through Them, I learned to love myself, how to experience gratitude and how to reconnect with my own spirit. I also learned that life is neither black nor white, but shades of grey. I learned that I could love the light parts of myself only by embracing the dark parts.

I learned that one of the most important things in life is being honest with myself about myself, even when it doesn't make me look good.

I learned that the things you don't appreciate can be taken away as quickly as they were given and that anything worth having, is worth fighting for.

I also learned that in spite of my nurturing heart, that I can't fix other people. I can only fix myself.

I'm sure as soon as I click "post", I'll think of other things I should have included, but I feel I have covered the most important things this morning.

I truly believe that we should all take the time to practice gratitude in our lives. What are some of the things you're grateful for? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Blessings,

Rayven

Deciding What's Important

Ever so often, I think it's healthy to enter a stage of introspection and self-evaluation. This process allows us to look at ourselves more clearly, to assess our lives and decide what works and what doesn't.

During my recent blog and social media silence (mostly silent, anyway), I have been going through just such a period.

Life has improved greatly, in so many ways, since our move a month ago, but as the external stress evaporated, I found myself, at first, grasping at old habits and routines. Tried and true methods of living that have served me well -- or so I had thought -- for years.

One of the things I returned to was the FlyLady system.

I have fluttered and flown, using her wonderful system of babysteps and the mantra "You can do anything for 15 minutes" for more years than I can count. Her system helped me get control of household clutter and develop habits that continue to serve me well even now.

I have come to realize though, that although certain parts of her system contine to serve me, that other parts of the system do not.

The key to the system is to set a timer for 15 minutes and accomplish tasks as quickly as possible. For people that detest doing household chores, there is an immense logic in this approach. For me, however, I realized that I have been training myself to rush through tasks that, for me, need to be a more leisure activity.

Part of the reason I began to focus on household witchcraft is because I enjoy the process of caring for my home and family. It brings me satisfaction to have people compliment me on my home, in any fashion, be it a compliment on the cleanliness, the decor, or the overall vibe.

Granted, when I began the FlyLady system, I didn't enjoy housework. Raising Witchlet, who has learning disabities as well as emotional challenges, and helping a close friend raise her 3 special-needs children, I was often over-whelmed by my home. The house was out of control and the thought of bringing it to heel seemed huge. FlyLady helped me get a handle on things and also helped me to find the joy in my role as Domestic Diva, and that led me to seek out Domestic Pagan practices.

I suppose you could say that the FlyLady helped me find my spiritual path.

Even so, now that my house is under control, I find myself reluctant to rush through my daily chores.

As I began the "Weekly Home Blessing" hour earlier this week (another FlyLady trademark), I found myself feeling skittish and nervous. After giving the source of these feelings some thought I realized that to me, a "Home Blessing" should have a very different feeling to it.

I love the concept of the FlyLady way, but I don't want to rush through it. Rushing means that I'm setting aside the "blessing" part and it becomes just a flowery term for cleaning.

As a Domestic Pagan, the very act of caring for my home is spiritual. If I'm rushing, I'm not actually "blessing" anything.

So, in my true eclectic fashion, that is one area of my life where I'm taking the parts that work for me and leaving the rest.

That's one of the beautiful ideals of Paganism, in my opinion. The concept that it's perfectly ok to run out and learn all types of things, from every aspect of life, and keep what works for you without feeling stuck in rigid rules, concepts or ideals that don't serve the person you want to be.

Even at 38, I'm still learning and growing. Still adjusting and adapting the person I want to be, and I'm ok with that.

Of course, this isn't the only change I've been embracing, but it is one of the most relevant to this blog.

Have you experienced or learned something and then decided that it (or parts of it) no longer serve who you want to be?

Blessings,

Rayven

Consolidating

I posted to my old Facebook page this morning that I'd be changing it over to reflect a page for this blog soon and although I had intended to wait until I got internet at home to do it, I'm impatient once I make up my mind, so I went out in search of wi-fi today.

The fanpage originally created for this blog (and the blog itself) was made from an alternate Facebook profile I made when I was having problems with a nosey and judgmental landlord, under the pen name (for lack of a better term), Rayven Moon. I no longer have to worry about her and keeping up with multiple profiles, plus pages, plus other social media and a blog, was proving to be too much for me. I do spend a lot of time on social media, but constantly having to set the same updates in multiple places was overwhelming. Eventually, I just stopped almost everything, including blogging.

Of course, I've come to accept the fact that I am a blogger at heart and that even if my posts just chronicle the randomness of my life, I'd rather be blogging than not, so it didn't take me long to figure out that I had spread myself too thin -- a bad habit of mine -- yet again.

So, I loaded the laptop in the car and found some wi-fi and set to work.

The fanpage that once belonged to my Phases of Me blog, and that was created from my actual Facebook profile, was still active. Since I do almost everything from my phone and am usually logged in to my main profile, I'd found myself sharing things to the Phases of Me fanpage. Logging out of one profile, logging into another, hunting the same information to share on the fanpage there then having to log out, log in again...well, I think anyone would agree it was just too much.

I wasn't able to change the URL for the fanpage (it still says Phases Of Me), but I was able to change everything else. The URL bothers me a bit -- I'm just OCD enough to want everything to match -- but I'm trying to live with it.

Fixing the Twitter link was a little more difficult (it doesn't tell you what you're doing wrong, only that there was a problem connecting), and it took me a while to figure out I had to unlink both Twitter profiles, then re-link the right one, but I think I finally got it right.

In the end, it was a productive day and now I'll be able to keep up with everything a little easier, I think.

Serious blogging, the type that requires research and linking, and blog-hopping will still be difficult, but at least I'll feel like I can post when I want to for now.

Hopefully, internet at home will happen by sometime next week at the latest and I'll be able to really get back in the swing of things.

Until then, I think this will do.

Merry Part,

Rayven

Jumping In and Out

Everything keeps changing so fast that it's hard to keep up.

We moved last Friday and Friday night, Witchlet left to spend a week with her fiancee. She came home this past Friday night, only to moan about how much she missed him and going on and on about him wanting her to move in with him.

She left home, the first time, when she was 17 and only moved back in last December. After over 2 years, Draco and I had finally adjusted to being "empty-nesters", so having her come back home was a big adjustment for us. It's taken us most of the nearly 3 months she'd been here to adjust again.

Yesterday, she called him and had him come back after her and she left to move in with him. So, our little Witchlet has jumped on her broomstick and flown away again.

When we were looking for a place to move to a few weeks ago, she had tried to convince us to get something more expensive, based on her promise to help with bills when she found a job and we opted instead for something we knew we could pay ourselves. Now, I'm so glad we didn't let her talk us into anything.

This morning, I sat down with the bills and when Draco got up, we sat and talked about our new situation. We'd both been so stressed until this last week, and although Draco would never ask her to stay, I could see the worry starting to brew behind his eyes. I laid out our financial situation to him, which wasn't as bad as I think he feared, and offered him some options.

We finally settled on a course of action that we hope will get us where we want to be and I could almost watch the worry evaporating from his eyes. I have to admit that I loved being able to set his mind at ease for a change.

I will be reopening the business I started last summer so that I can work from home and try to help him. I will be spending part of this week going through the supplies I have here and converting what would have been Witchlet's room into a work room. In the process of this, I need to come up with some sort of inventory and bookkeeping system so that I know what I'm doing and I can save receipts for next year's taxes and be able to track my sales and expenses. I will also be setting up seperate financial records for the business.

Suffice it to say, I'm going to be a busy woman while I wait for taxes to come since I'm going to need to make a small investment to get running again.

So, that's what's going on in our neck of the woods right now. What changes are 2013 bringing your way?

Love and light,

Rayven

Nothing Serious

I've put doing serious posting, requiring research and such, on hold for the moment. We moved last weekend from an extremely stressful situation into a very comfortable one.

Witchlet has been out of town since Friday night and I've had the house to myself when Draco is at work. Honestly, we all needed the break. Prolonged stress will cause families to fight, even when they don't mean to.

Right now, I'm just focusing on putting my house together, making arrangements to get the rest of our stuff from storage and getting my nerves back under control.

Hopefully in the next few weeks, we'll be getting internet (I'm doing everything from my phone right now), or I'll find time to go sit where I have wi-fi and get some stuff done. We'll see what happens.

Know that we're ok, I'm still here (sort of), and I'm not planning to go anywhere.

Namaste,
Rayven

Sunday Catch-Up 4-17-13

My life got turned upside-down last week. We found ourselves moving on very short notice, but now, here I sit almost a week later happier and more relaxed than I can remember being in a while.

Getting here wasn't easy though. As last as Thursday afternoon, I was still wondering what we were going to do, and time had nearly run out. I was so worried that I even briefly considered the possibility that we might end up sleeping in our car.

At the last minute, a suggestion from a friend turned into a plan and then into reality.

We've been lucky all the way around. We ended up finding exactly what we needed at the last moment, for a price we can live with. It's two bedrooms, which means Witchlet is no longer a resident of my living room.

Friday, I was up at 5 am packing. By 1 pm, we were done. The first night here, we didn't even have furniture, but today, the house is almost completely furnished and some of it even belongs to us!

At any rate, between Friday and Saturday, I'd had 3 hours sleep and slept 5 last night, so I feel like I'm running on empty tanks today.

Witchlet is staying with a friend until either tomorrow or Tuesday, so maybe I'll be able to establish some routines before she comes home.

That's it for me right now.

Namaste,

Rayven

Battling Depression

Today is Valentines Day and my 17th anniversary.

I considered writing a post about the history of the holiday, but everyone else is already doing that.

I thought about writing about my relationship with Draco, but after 17 years, I would think my love and affection is obvious.

Instead, I decided to write about something near and dear to my heart, as I believe that the winter holidays, from Thanksgiving to Valentines Day, can be the worst time of the year for people who suffer from depression.

Depression is a common affliction that effects more people than you may realize.

Most of us don't go around announcing "I'm depressed" to everyone. Most of us feel ashamed of being depressed and try hard to "act normal" around people. We force smiles that never light up our eyes, we try to laugh when we know we should. Many of us even make the effort to get up and do the things we know we're supposed to do, even when our heart isn't in it.

For many people, like me, depression can often be mistaken simply as "stress".

I realized that this morning when a good friend and Co-worker of Draco's was talking to us.

I woke up knowing that I was beginning to pull out of the depression that's been slamming me for a month now. I felt more myself than I had in a while. I had hope, and even a little joy.

As we were talking this morning, our friend says something like "well, y'all don't look nearly as stressed out as you have been".

I admit, there's been stress. My landlady lost her mind about a month ago and has crossed lines left and right and now, she's having the utilities cut off tomorrow. We are trying to find somewhere to move to and have had to borrow money against or tax return for deposits. It's been crazy. The stress is what triggered the depression, but I have been floundering in a very dark depression.

I suppose that my efforts to hide my depression may have come across as stress.

How do I know I was depressed? The house is a wreck, laundry was climbing the walls and I simply have not cared. I've mentioned before that I am very domestic, which is why I consider myself a hearth witch, but the state of the house has not mattered to me in the least recently. The only thing that HAS mattered has been my bed and my pillow.

I have laid in the bed, not even sleeping half the time, for nearly a month. I've not cared about hygiene and even realized one day last week that I had been in the same sleep-clothes for almost 3 days. Yes, that's depression, not simply "stress".

My situation has been stressful, but in truth, for those that suffer from depression, it doesn't take that much to trigger it. Even something as simple as being alone today, while everything is about couples and love, can be enough to trigger depression.

Do you know someone who is going to spend today alone? Reach out to them, tell them you care. Love is in the air, but not just romantic love. Buy a lonely friend lunch, or a quick drink after work before you rush off to your romantic evening.

You never know, such a simple thing from you, could mean everything to someone else.

Wishing you love, light and happiness today and every day,

Rayven

Return of the Light

I am an early riser, not because I choose to be, but because Draco works a day job and has to be at work by 7 am. Although I've never been much of a morning person, there are a few advantages to getting up early.

One of those advantages is that I have become more aware of the sunrise.

Since getting out of school, I spent most of my adult life on second shift hours. For the majority of our relationship, it was the preferred shift for both of us. That meant that by the time I got up, the sun had been up for hours and my ride home from work was done in the moonlight.

I will never cease to be captivated by the moon, but I've come to realize that I was missing out on something without even knowing it.

This year is the first year that I've truly celebrated Imbolc and I think that it's because I was unaware of the subtle shifts in the light until now.

When I first moved here and began my morning treks to take Draco to work, we were already nearly through fall. Mornings were dark. By the time the sun kissed the horizon, I was already in the house and sunrise was judged by the growing glare on my laptop screen.

As we progressed from December to January, and now into February, I have seen the mornings growing gradually lighter going from a lighter shade of dark to now almost full light on my ride home.

Where I park my car at home faces full East and I'm often rewarded with a beautiful sunrise as I pull into the yard. In spite of the cold, I've taken to sitting in my car for a half hour or more when I get home watching the sun come up. This new ritual has given me more than I ever thought it would, making sitting in the cold more than worth it.

In addition to becoming more aware of the return of the sun to my corner of the world, I think it's made winter, my least favorite of the seasons, more bearable, and perhaps even a little enjoyable.

I'm usually still in my car, as I am this morning, when the birds begin their morning song. One moment there is nighttime silence but as the sun begins to paint the eastern sky in shades of blue, pink and orange, the birds begin greeting the day. On several occasions my car has even been surrounded by my second most favorite birds (my most favorite being hummingbirds), finches.

These tiny birds amaze me in their numbers as well as their determination. They brave the wrath of the larger Cardinals and Blue Jays to find their breakfast and I've even seen them band together to run the much larger birds off the bird feeder.

I have also had the privilege of watching the hawk, that has taken up residence at the pond, come out in search of his own breakfast. He is majestic in his hunt. Graceful, resourceful and cunning and I often watch him still out hunting as late as 8 am as the mysterious bagpipes begin to play (bagpipe music emanates from am unknown location every morning at 8 am echoing the strands of Amazing Grace through the Valley), another event that I had been unaware of.

As I watch, patches of red appear in the trees. The male Cardinals have appeared. Soon, there will be flashes of grey and brown on the ground beneath the trees as the females come out to eat under the watchful eyes of the males. The bird feeder hanging on the porch is in for a workout and I'm reminded to refill it once again. My feathered morning guests have quite the appetite in the winter when food is scarce and even though I know we really can't afford it, I'm reluctant to give up buying their seed now that I have watched them happily eating and remaining fat through the winter.

I am also reminded of how much of life I was missing out on. How much was going in my own front yard that I was unaware of. How disconnected I had become from nature and how unbalanced my nocturnal preferences had made me.

I will always have a deep love for the night and all her enchantments but I have gained a new respect for the day, and as the light returns to the world, I know that I have received a true Imbolc blessing.

Namaste,

Rayven

Catching Up Again

Since my last post, I have been in the depths of my self-induced "house-arrest". I have successfully avoided my landlady in the process, hoping to give myself some time to calm down, only that's not the effect it ended up having.

Last Sunday was my last truly coherent and "together" day until this afternoon. The continued stress and feeling "trapped" in the house, left me just short of a babbling idiot and not anywhere near functional.

Sunday, we decided since Draco and Witchlet were less than enthused about the idea of going to the local UU Church with me, that we would begin to have "classes" at home where we could learn and grow together. We had one last Sunday and it was fulfilling for both of us but a stupid disagreement Sunday night would render me worthless the rest of the week.

My personal classes stopped. I wrote the paper I mentioned in my last post, but never made it beyond that. On Monday, I was able to give Witchlet a crash-course in Tarot, then went to bed where I pretty much have stayed this week.

Last night, the anxiety attacks that I knew were coming hit me and I fought with myself all night. This morning, I was still in the throes of what I call "the little rolling ones" that usually tell me that I'm headed for the edge and that a big one is coming.

I cried last night, cried some more this morning, flipped out on Draco before he went to work, then let Witchlet's chronic attitude (she's been pissy for a few weeks now) push me over the edge at lunch.

The big one hit so hard that I came thisclose to having another heart attack. That was nearly 5 hours ago now.

I'm finally through it, even the little ones are gone, but it's left me exhausted in every possible way, sore from the chest pains and not being able to breathe and more than a little contrite and ashamed of myself for how I've been acting.

Reminding myself that I have "problems" and "can't help it" sound like lame excuses, even to my own ears, so I refuse to offer them to anyone else, especially Draco, who always seems to get the worst of my "episodes".

I apparently was still writing even though I hadn't known it until about 30 minutes ago. Thank the God and Goddess I didn't publish them. I sounded like a raving lunatic with a conspiracy theory and deleted them all.

Although I regret the need for my absence, I would rather my blog have been left untainted by my ravings, so I won't apologize for my silence. I'm endlessly grateful that I never hit publish this week.

I am, however, back (as far as I can tell at the moment at least) and will try to work on that routine I believe I've mentioned before.

I am, once again, active on Facebook as well for anyone interested in following me there.

The landlady seems to have ignored my reactions, or forgiven them, and has asked Draco to come help with some work tomorrow. I have promised both him and myself (as well as the Goddess) that I will try to behave no matter what she says.

Wish me luck and hopefully I will be here more.

Namaste,

Rayven

Left-over stress

My life went into a tail-spin last Wednesday when I saw a side of my landlady I'd never seen and realized that living on the same street as her just isn't working. I was left feeling as though my entire life and everything I am had come under attack. Since then, I have pretty much "gone to ground".

I'm not afraid to stand up for myself, but when the person in question could render your family homeless with a wave of her hand, sometimes it's better to restrain yourself.

I can't deal with another round with her without saying anything, so I've been staying locked up in the house hoping she just leaves me alone.

While dealing with "house arrest" (that's what it's felt like), I did manage to start some basic classes in Celtic Spirituality. I'm excited, but I have to admit, the very first assignment almost made me throw in the towel.

It's not that the topics are overly hard or anything (so far), but apparently, everything is going to end in writing a paper. Like a college-type paper. 750 word minimum. I'm not sure what I expected from online classes, but somehow having to write a bunch of papers wasn't it.

After talking to one of my BFF's about it last night, I am much calmer than I was about it, but I still have this paper to write, and this will probably be the easiest one. The rest will be a topic that I have to write about, including doing a bunch of research.

In high school, English was my best, and strongest subject, but let's face facts here, high school was 20 years ago and the closest I've come to "writing a paper" in those 20 years is blogging. Blogging is an outlet, not a "paper" and no one is grading me on my blog posts.

It doesn't help either that the reason I'm even taking classes is because I know next to nothing about Celtic Spirituality, so I'm completely outside my box and my comfort zone, so all I have to build from is my pagan knowledge.

I kept telling myself yesterday that maybe this wasn't the best time to start classes. Witchlet is still job hunting, we're under a good deal of financial stress at the moment, my landlady has me stressed beyond words and we're looking to be moving as soon as humanly possible to relieve a lot of that stress. Then I asked myself if there's ever really a "good time" to find yourself so far outside your comfort zone on so many levels. There's not.

Looking back, I suppose learning something new has always been nerve-racking in some ways. Learning something new that could very well change the course of your life, even more so, and I feel somewhere deep inside that I am taking the first steps on a path I was meant to follow, but that it will be life-altering in some way I can't define yet.

I'm hoping I just have a bad case of "new school jitters" and that it will begin to fade as I move further into my studies and develop my "paper writing skills" again. If not, then perhaps I can reassess from there.

I'm realistic enough to accept that my first few papers will probably not be strokes of literary genius, but I'm also stubborn enough to know that I can't just give up without even trying.

Perhaps those reading will be gentle in their criticism and I will find an additional learning opportunity that will improve my writing skills which will benefit not only my class progress but also my life skills as well as my blogging.

I never intend to turn my blog into an academic source. Although I've been encouraged throughout my life to take on a role of teaching or authority (pagan beginners in my real life have asked me to take on the role of priestess and I was encouraged in high school to become a therapist), I've never personally felt the calling to teach or to tell others how to live their lives, but I can see how improving research and basic writing skills could improve my blog as well.

I write from a place of personal experience alone, rarely quoting or referencing others, but maybe that could one day bring added benefits to those who read my words here. Who knows?

So, today I will spend some time trying to bang out a few coherent words to add to my paper. I've given the topic a few days to stew, so this morning I will reread the article, and what I've already written, and go from there. We'll see what happens. Wish me luck!

Rayven

The Path of the Druid

I have sensed a change coming for a while now, but I was unsure what direction this change would take me in. This blog was part of me feeling that impending change.

I felt compelled by forces outside myself to begin anew rather suddenly. I listened based on my faith alone.

I thought for years that I was happy with my muddled path.

I began this journey at the tender age of 19 after a nervous breakdown and the loss of everything I held dear left me incapacitated and questioning everything, including God and my Christian upbringing. It was not the first time I had questioned the religion I was raised in, but it was the most significant.

A friend, who had always known I was different, just as she was, came to check on me and when she left, she left a copy of Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham. It was the first time I'd heard of paganism or Wicca.

Back then, not everyone had a computer and internet access and the "New Age" section of bookstores in the Bible Belt were not well-stocked. Wicca was just becoming recognized as a true religion, so information was still very limited.

Some 5 or 6 years later, I realized that the New Age section had grown and I began to devour everything I could find.

I became what I considered "Eclectic" as I began to learn more and more about differing paths. My heritage (Cherokee and Celtic) continued to call to me, but in those days, there was precious little knowledge on either topic available here.

As I found anything on the Celtic path, I tore through it, but never felt like I could get enough information to begin a new path or even find a direction to go in.

I did, for a number of years, Co-run a cluster of MSN groups and one of our group managers happened to be Celtic. I spent a lot of time at her group soaking up whatever knowledge she offered.

She now has a lovely group of her own, with another lady we met through the MSN groups,on another server that I still peek in on from time to time.

About 5 years ago, I experienced another breakdown due to a personal crisis between Draco and myself and I shut down. All thoughts of my spirituality relegated to the "when I get through this" file.

Then, a few months ago, we moved away from all that and a dear friend and sister of the heart, came to me for guidance and advice and the conversation began to touch on my spiritual beliefs. Totems and power animals specifically. I felt compelled to research some things and found myself once again submerged in pagan information.

I decided to reopen my previous blog, with the intention of making it "pagan" but I had been connected heavily to the Mom Bloggers, most of which were Christian, and I felt reserved when I tried to speak of my beliefs. Many of them were good ladies and I had no desire to offend or push my faith on anyone, so the blog stalled once again.

I suppose I'm a blogger at heart because I just didn't feel "whole" if I didn't have somewhere to share.

I began reading again and went to the library. They carried one book on the Celtic path and I checked it out despite it's childish title.

Right after I checked it out, I got the "start over" message. I set up the blog as I began reading.

Yesterday, I realized that I had been seeing a lot of things about Druids lately. An online school in particular, only mentioned by three letters. ADF. I kept running across blogs where people called themselves ADF Dedicates.

A search led me to a site with a title in Irish that I couldn't begin to pronounce. I hesitated because I'd recently read of Druid groups that only allowed people in that could prove a heritage link to the Celts in some way.

I know my heritage, but couldn't begin to know how to "prove it". I can't speak any of the languages, I've never been there, I know precious little of the culture.

I know I'm descended from the Welsh on my biological father's side, but I'm not even sure who or when the first immigration in my family happened. (Would you like to chat with my family? I'm sure they can tell you I'm both Cherokee and Welsh, which is one of the cultures associated with Celtic heritage...)

I read on out of curiosity, thinking since I'm solitary anyway, maybe I could piece together enough information to do as I've always done and make my own path.

As I read, I realized that although proof of heritage might be required by some, it's not required by all, and not by ADF. They have a $25 per year membership fee for the school, though, and although I believe it's completely reasonable, I won't have it to spare until after we move.

I kept looking, but it's bookmarked for taxes and for Draco, who is also Celtic, to check out.

I ended up at a site called Druid's Circle, which offers a free limited membership and some basic classes. I figured I can check them out while I wait and if I'm not happy, when we move and I get reliable internet, I'll pay the $25 to join ADF.

My heart is finally finding some peace spiritually as I begin this path. I'm certain, with every fiber of my being, that this is going to change me. I don't know how or how much, but I can feel the vibrations of change tingling around me.

Bear with me as I learn, as I said, my knowledge of my heritage on this side is even more limited than that of my Native American heritage. It's going to be a process.

Wish me luck!

Have you ever changed direction so completely that you knew it was going to change everything?

Namaste,

Rayven

Do Witches Pray?

This morning, I was researching the goddess Brighid, partly because Imbolc is right around the corner and partly because since I embraced the fact that I am a Hearth Witch, I've felt a certain connection to her (she is considered a hearth goddess, among other things).

While reading, I found myself at About.com. (I seem to end up there a good bit when I'm researching something Pagan.) And while looking for Prayers to Brighid, I happened to find this article on Pagan Prayer.

While reading, I recalled a conversation I had with my dad shortly after Mom passed. He was making generalizations about what he thought my religion was and I was giving him information on what it is I actually do and believe.

Both my parents were raised Christian, so it's no surprise that prayer, a very important part of the Christian faith, came up. I was dismayed to learn that my parents thought I didn't pray.

I explained to him that I couldn't speak for every Pagan, or every faith that falls under the pagan label, but that I most certainly do pray. Daily.

The article above addresses the difference between payer and spellwork, stating that when we pray, we're asking for the help of whatever we call divinity (divine intervention), when we do spellwork, we're not asking for help so much as we are attempting to manipulate the energies of the universe to bring us what we want.

Personally, I believe spellwork and prayer often work together, but maybe that's more about technique and intention.

Using Brigid as an example, if I were to feel that my family and/or home needed protection, Brighid would probably be my go-to goddess. Now, I would probably stand at my altar, burn some incense and a candle and ask Brighid to watch over my family, to offer us her protection. To me, this is a type of prayer, and a method I find myself using often.

Depending on the situation, though, I might find myself feeling the need for something a little more powerful than prayer alone. That is when I would sit down with my lists of correspondences, gather materials, and do a more formal protection ritual. I would still call on Brighid in my ritual and ask her to aid me in protecting my family. I believe that invoking deities in ritual is also a type of prayer.

Not all spellwork calls on deities, and I feel that there's no set guideline for petitioning a deity vs not, in spellwork. It's a personal choice. But, I feel that if you do call on them, even in ritual, that there is an element of prayer involved.

As usual, this is just from my perspective. I'm sure there are people out there that believe differently than I do, and I'm not saying ALL Pagans pray. I'm sure there are some that don't, but as for this witch, I do pray as part of my daily practice.

So what about you? Do you pray?

Namaste,

Rayven Moon

Sunday Catch-Up 1-20

Forgive me for my absence but I've had a lot on my mind the last few days, but nothing I cared to feed energy to in a post.

Let's get on with the catch-up and you'll see.

1.  This week, I started this blog, with a familiar look, but a very unique feel for me.

2.  I began to explore my faith in-depth and on Monday and Tuesday my posts about Ethical Spellcraft and Hearth Witchery reflected that.

3. A few misplaced words on Wednesday and a disagreement on Thursday with my landlady over politics, parenting and religion set the tone for the weekend.

4. After an argument Thursday morning with Draco and relating the events of my day to him at lunch, the decision was finally made that we are going to have to move when we get taxes.

5. Much time and energy this weekend has been devoted to planning the immediate steps we need to take and when.

6. I began a daily card pull once again on Saturday and today, I combined it with my horoscope to create a "personal daily forecast" of sorts. It helped in getting me refocused and ready to begin posting again.

7. Today's post comes late because Draco returns to work tomorrow and I wanted to devote some time to my family today.

8. I'm going to have to work on my daily routines again because I have gotten so far off my game lately. I've added a few things here and there and it's got me all out of wack.
9.  Time-management is something I work hard at, mainly because I suck at it, so my routines are crucial to my daily productivity.

10. One look at my to-do list from last week tells me I failed miserably, but I'm cutting myself some slack. It was a rough week (did I miss Mercury going retro???)

11. Landlady's stunt hit me right smack in the middle of the waxing moon, which shouldn't surprise me. It's the phase when things start coming to a head every month. As the full moon grows closer, all my loose ends tend to start tying themselves up in preparation for the next level of things, which for us, will be moving and all that goes with that.

12. There are no guarantees, but I hope to be moving by the next waxing moon phase so that maybe I can have us settled before the next full moon.

13.  Imbolc celebrations will be minimal this year. I'm hoping to be able to do more by Ostara, which is our first "grilling holiday" of the season.  For Imbolc, I will light some candles I have on hand to honor the return of the light and I'd like to get the stuff to make a big salad with yummy veggies and a fruit salad. Not exactly "traditional fare" but it will do.

So, as you can see, it's been a crazy week for me. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to set a dependable blog schedule to help me stay focused.

Namaste,

Rayven Moon

Domestic Witchery

It occured to me after a statement I made in my last post, Ethical Spellcraft, (and a conversation with Witchlet) that I might need to elaborate on something.

I stated that even though I've been a practicing Pagan for nearly 20 years, that I rarely practice Spellcraft.

While that statement is true in the context that I don't cast a circle and call the quarters very often, it's not quite true in a literal sense.

I do practice magick, just not in a formal way.

As Witchlet and I discussed, I am a Hearth Witch. I practice magick everyday, but to me, it's in such a mundane way, -- and so integral to who I am -- that I often forget that it is still magick.

Let me elaborate. I sweep the house daily, whether it looks like it needs it or not. Why? I'm "sweeping out negativity" that may be lingering from someone's bad day, a disagreement, stress or worry, or even the energy put off from bad dreams. That, is Hearth Magick.

When I do laundry, I'm cleansing our clothes of any negative energy that may be clinging to them. That is Hearth Magick.

When I do my morning devotionals and offer a word of protection for my family as they move through their day, that is Hearth Magick.

I could go on and on about how I prepare meals with certain herbs and spices to promote whatever energy my family needs or how I always "mop up emotions" after someone has been very upset and how I dust to clear out our mental and emotional cobwebs. The list could go on forever.

In truth, I am very active in magick, just not in "formal" spell work.

How do you practice magick in your daily life? Do you tend to forget, like I do, that it's still magick?

Namaste,

Rayven

Ethical Spellcraft

I've noticed a lot of "newbies" floating around lately asking questions (mostly on Facebook) about doing Spellwork and thought I might address my views on ethical Spellcraft here.

Admittedly, I don't personally practice a lot of Spellcraft myself. You may be wondering why that is, since I've been a practicing Pagan for nearly 20 years, and the answer comes back to ethics.

Although I'm a long way from my Wiccan roots now, I still believe that the Wiccan Rede -- shortly summed up to "An it harm none" -- is a good rule to live by.

That's not to say that I don't believe in protecting myself when needed, but I've rarely found a situation where aggressive/invasive spellwork was actually necessary.

Let's take the popular topics of bindings and love spells as an example.

Bindings, as I understand it, are generally performed in an effort to protect yourself from the words or actions of someone trying to inflict harm. In extreme situations, such as physical abuse, I can see where the appeal lies to perform such a spell, but, a binding, done improperly, can --and often does-- backfire.

The backfire is often binding said person to you, instead of offering you the protection you seek.

So, what can you do if someone deserves to be bound, without performing a binding?

Different situations call for different measures, but as a general suggestion, I would first perform a self-protection (or home protection, depending on the situation) ritual and then look into reflective spells.

Reflective spells, basically, bounce a person's karma, actions, etc, back to them, causing them to suffer whatever negative intentions they had, on themselves. If you believe in the Law of Karma, this is usually their karma times three. This is just a starting point, and if this doesn't work, then you progress to more aggressive actions from there.

And? If you are in a situation involving physical abuse, never forget to take the necessary mundane steps as well. Call the cops, tell someone that can help you. In short, get help and get out.

Love spells. This topic makes me a little irritable in that a person looking to perform one has one of two problems. Either they like someone who doesn't like them back and they're wanting to change that, or they're in a relationship and feel that the person no longer feels the same way about them and they're trying to prevent said person from leaving.

Either of these situations throw up red flags for me because they interfere with the free will of another person. In my opinion, there's never a good reason to interfere with free will, unless it is for self-protection.

The only type of love spell I would personally consider is more of an "attractive" spell. There's nothing wrong with casting on yourself to make you feel more attractive or appealing. Again, don't forget the mundane. Get noticed. Flirt. Ask them out!

The basis of anything, including spellwork, is the mundane work.

Do you actively practice Spellcraft, and if so, where do you draw the ethical line?

Namaste,

Rayven

Getting Started

Some of you might recognize my logo from a different blog. If you do, then congratulations on being a fan and thank you for following me here! If not, then no worries, I'm still glad you're here.

After playing around with my other blog for a while, I decided I needed a fresh start and the gods agreed.

Last night, I was sent this blog in a dream with a clear message to "start over", so that's what I set my mind to this morning.

As you can see, there's not really much here yet, but that's going to be changing over the next few days as I finish filling out profiles and getting my name in all the places it needs to be, so be patient and keep checking back.

Links for things will continue to pop up as I get organized, but for now, you can follow me on Google+ through the profile link or on Twitter @rayven_moon. Thanks for stopping by!

Blessings,

Rayven Moon