Today is Valentines Day and my 17th anniversary.
I considered writing a post about the history of the holiday, but everyone else is already doing that.
I thought about writing about my relationship with Draco, but after 17 years, I would think my love and affection is obvious.
Instead, I decided to write about something near and dear to my heart, as I believe that the winter holidays, from Thanksgiving to Valentines Day, can be the worst time of the year for people who suffer from depression.
Depression is a common affliction that effects more people than you may realize.
Most of us don't go around announcing "I'm depressed" to everyone. Most of us feel ashamed of being depressed and try hard to "act normal" around people. We force smiles that never light up our eyes, we try to laugh when we know we should. Many of us even make the effort to get up and do the things we know we're supposed to do, even when our heart isn't in it.
For many people, like me, depression can often be mistaken simply as "stress".
I realized that this morning when a good friend and Co-worker of Draco's was talking to us.
I woke up knowing that I was beginning to pull out of the depression that's been slamming me for a month now. I felt more myself than I had in a while. I had hope, and even a little joy.
As we were talking this morning, our friend says something like "well, y'all don't look nearly as stressed out as you have been".
I admit, there's been stress. My landlady lost her mind about a month ago and has crossed lines left and right and now, she's having the utilities cut off tomorrow. We are trying to find somewhere to move to and have had to borrow money against or tax return for deposits. It's been crazy. The stress is what triggered the depression, but I have been floundering in a very dark depression.
I suppose that my efforts to hide my depression may have come across as stress.
How do I know I was depressed? The house is a wreck, laundry was climbing the walls and I simply have not cared. I've mentioned before that I am very domestic, which is why I consider myself a hearth witch, but the state of the house has not mattered to me in the least recently. The only thing that HAS mattered has been my bed and my pillow.
I have laid in the bed, not even sleeping half the time, for nearly a month. I've not cared about hygiene and even realized one day last week that I had been in the same sleep-clothes for almost 3 days. Yes, that's depression, not simply "stress".
My situation has been stressful, but in truth, for those that suffer from depression, it doesn't take that much to trigger it. Even something as simple as being alone today, while everything is about couples and love, can be enough to trigger depression.
Do you know someone who is going to spend today alone? Reach out to them, tell them you care. Love is in the air, but not just romantic love. Buy a lonely friend lunch, or a quick drink after work before you rush off to your romantic evening.
You never know, such a simple thing from you, could mean everything to someone else.
Wishing you love, light and happiness today and every day,
Rayven
