My life went into a tail-spin last Wednesday when I saw a side of my landlady I'd never seen and realized that living on the same street as her just isn't working. I was left feeling as though my entire life and everything I am had come under attack. Since then, I have pretty much "gone to ground".
I'm not afraid to stand up for myself, but when the person in question could render your family homeless with a wave of her hand, sometimes it's better to restrain yourself.
I can't deal with another round with her without saying anything, so I've been staying locked up in the house hoping she just leaves me alone.
While dealing with "house arrest" (that's what it's felt like), I did manage to start some basic classes in Celtic Spirituality. I'm excited, but I have to admit, the very first assignment almost made me throw in the towel.
It's not that the topics are overly hard or anything (so far), but apparently, everything is going to end in writing a paper. Like a college-type paper. 750 word minimum. I'm not sure what I expected from online classes, but somehow having to write a bunch of papers wasn't it.
After talking to one of my BFF's about it last night, I am much calmer than I was about it, but I still have this paper to write, and this will probably be the easiest one. The rest will be a topic that I have to write about, including doing a bunch of research.
In high school, English was my best, and strongest subject, but let's face facts here, high school was 20 years ago and the closest I've come to "writing a paper" in those 20 years is blogging. Blogging is an outlet, not a "paper" and no one is grading me on my blog posts.
It doesn't help either that the reason I'm even taking classes is because I know next to nothing about Celtic Spirituality, so I'm completely outside my box and my comfort zone, so all I have to build from is my pagan knowledge.
I kept telling myself yesterday that maybe this wasn't the best time to start classes. Witchlet is still job hunting, we're under a good deal of financial stress at the moment, my landlady has me stressed beyond words and we're looking to be moving as soon as humanly possible to relieve a lot of that stress. Then I asked myself if there's ever really a "good time" to find yourself so far outside your comfort zone on so many levels. There's not.
Looking back, I suppose learning something new has always been nerve-racking in some ways. Learning something new that could very well change the course of your life, even more so, and I feel somewhere deep inside that I am taking the first steps on a path I was meant to follow, but that it will be life-altering in some way I can't define yet.
I'm hoping I just have a bad case of "new school jitters" and that it will begin to fade as I move further into my studies and develop my "paper writing skills" again. If not, then perhaps I can reassess from there.
I'm realistic enough to accept that my first few papers will probably not be strokes of literary genius, but I'm also stubborn enough to know that I can't just give up without even trying.
Perhaps those reading will be gentle in their criticism and I will find an additional learning opportunity that will improve my writing skills which will benefit not only my class progress but also my life skills as well as my blogging.
I never intend to turn my blog into an academic source. Although I've been encouraged throughout my life to take on a role of teaching or authority (pagan beginners in my real life have asked me to take on the role of priestess and I was encouraged in high school to become a therapist), I've never personally felt the calling to teach or to tell others how to live their lives, but I can see how improving research and basic writing skills could improve my blog as well.
I write from a place of personal experience alone, rarely quoting or referencing others, but maybe that could one day bring added benefits to those who read my words here. Who knows?
So, today I will spend some time trying to bang out a few coherent words to add to my paper. I've given the topic a few days to stew, so this morning I will reread the article, and what I've already written, and go from there. We'll see what happens. Wish me luck!
Rayven
